angel with broken wings

|watch out...|

2007-01-03T20:36:00.000-06:00

i'll be back, soooooooooooon.. i PROMISE!!!

i miss everybody =[

confessions of a work-a-whore-ic

2006-10-08T21:55:00.000-06:00

first impressions doesn't last. the first time i met him i thought he's just an ordinary guy that keeps on bossing us around. i thought he was a snub who prolly drains all the life left on him. i have to admit he intimidates me with his british accent.

little did i know that i would actually fall for him, or was i really falling for him? i don't know and i don't wanna know.

we became close in a short span of time. i couldn't understand nor explain how i really feel when he's around. he would sometimes make me nervous that i almost trip when he smiled and looked my way. he would make me laugh with one of his most stupid joke. he would make me mad for not making me understand what he really wanted. i guess im not as sensitive as other people.

he prolly hates me for noticing my awkward conversations and actions if im with him. he might hate me more if he found out how i really feel for him. so everyday i must pretend and keep my feelings away from him. how will i do that? i have no clue.

staring at his deep blue eyes will simply put me into a melo-hypnotic state. i admire it as they turn blue-grayish green (couldn't really explain it) when the sun shines on them. i admire it as they turn back to blue when he laughs innocently at my stupid jokes. i admire it as they turn gray when he looks at me with doubt and confusion. but i still love staring at him though he makes it cast a spell that'll put me in my ocean of dreams.

[loving someone who doesn't love you back wasn't easy, but does loving someone so much really have to hurt?]

-fllnngl

hear me, hear me

2006-10-05T09:36:00.000-06:00

okay, i aint going to deny it. I DON'T HAVE A FREAKING TIME TO POST A NEW ENTRY. and to all readers, i am deeply sorry. im sorry for not being a 'responsible' blogger. i wanted to, but time's a worst enemy, what can i do???

anyweiz. i haven't tell you what my other job yet, didn't i?? hmmm.. honestly i couldn't believe it myself. i got in Petro-Canada. one of the biggest oil company in Canada; the highest building in calgary - higher than the Calgary Tower. it's a once in a lifetime opportunity. i got to be one of their intern in the Accounts Payable Division. i was the first High School student who get to work there. and anytime soon i will meet and will have another great opportunity to talk to one of their engineers. i honestly dunno how lucky and happy i am. i am still mesmerized everytime i walked out of the building and couldn't believe my luck.

that's the sum of it. i just wanna make it fast so it won't bore anybody who's reading.

but i couldn't help it. i just wanna write how i really feel. everytime i enter the elevator, my heart won't just stop beating. not that im not used to working there, it was just like a dream come true. a 30-seconds ride to get to 15th floor felt like forever. out on street, i used to count the floors of the building and i saw where im working. damn, it wasn't even half of the whole building. last summer, since my aunt and my mom's working there as well, they let us go to the highest floor and it felt surreal. i felt like i left the earth behind me, that i don't really care to anybody at all. haha, it was a good feeling. but i have to admit it was dumb.

im still struggling on balancing my time. having a spare was a great help indeed. ^_^ but that's it.

last friday, we rushed in my aunt's house. she said she couldn't breathe. my cousin told us that they called 911 so we saw them there when we arrived. they brought her to the hospital, and we were left baby sitting our cousins. they arrived early in the morning and she aint still ok. they made several tests and they said that a part of her heart is swollen. they said it was dangerous since it was trying to block the oxygen from coming. damn, i could feel the whole earth in my shoulder.

and now, i believe in what they say. sa bawat swerte, may kakambal na malas. it was something like that. i just couldn't put the right words. x_x

what now? who's next?

-fllnngl

the gift nobody wanted

2006-09-15T10:01:00.000-06:00

-excerpt from the book "Where is God when it hurts"

you prolly know what i'm talking about. the curse everybody hated and feared.

it all started with blood circulating in our body that keeps on running as generations come and go.

cancer.

simple word isn't it?? correlated with the word death. blood-chilling, stomach-churning, mind-boggling.

whenever i come across that word, i often tell myself "whew! good thing it wasn't me". but that was only for a period of time.

a lot of you guys are prolly wondering why i always write an entry regarding the deadly disease. simply because it affected my whole life.

~*~
for 16 years of existence, i had never step foot in a cemetery before. i always try to imagine how it's like to be there during halloween or even all saint's day.

attending my 8th year old cousin's funeral, who was diagnosed with leukemia since he was a kid, was the first time i had actually been into a cemetery. the second time i look inside the coffin. the third time i attended a funeral service.

my grandfather also died of cancer, so as my dad's uncle.

and damn did my world crushed in front of me when i heard the news that my aunt is going to be diagnosed with cancer.

now you all know the reason why i have to regularly visit the hospital starting on monday. my aunt will undergo chemotherapy for 3months and will undergo radiation for 5consecutive days (i think)

i honestly dunno if i wanted to post this since it'll reveal lots of personal/family matter. but i'll just risk it since i dunno what other way i could do just to let go of the things clogging my mind.

and i feel guilty that i might not fulfill my own promises of visiting my aunt because of my damn hectic schedule. i couldn't even give enough time for myself to post something in my lair, how much more for traveling? damn, why does one day only have 24hours?? school, work, another work, home by midnight?? hahahah.. i'll literally go crazy..DAMN IT!!!!!

let's give a recap....

2006-09-07T18:29:00.000-06:00

more than 2weeks without blogging..and i did survived..whew!

im in our school right now and since it's my spare, ill just make a new post..i wanna make it up to you guys..

school just started [isn't it obvious??] im trying to get used to the new environment since for the whole summer i did nothing but work. i only have one course this semester and i couldn't just go to school attending one class so i asked my counsellor if she could change my schedule and voila she did. she gave me another class - Work Experience. i told her that i just did the summer internship job and she told me, it'll be great.. i couldn't argue with her, she's my counsellor, she knows what's best for me. or does she really??

i thought one hell was gone, i didn't know another one was coming. so what's going to be my agenda now?? another hectic schedule trying to torture my already aching body?? hmmm.. let's see..

school:ohh yea with one major class for the first semester, no biggie..just don't mention the diploma =[
work:yep..i didn't quit my UB job yet..but im done being a summer intern
visits from the hospital:hmmm.. 2weeks from now.. yea.. 2weeks and hell it'll be hard
find a job:hahah.. i have to.. remember?? i have work experience course..

so in short..ill have 2job and i have to go school and you know the rest..where will i put my hanging-in-mid-air social life??? i guess ill just have to bury it under the ground and forget all about it. =/ damn, no way!!! ='[

ohh meng..hope ill survive this semester..*sigh*

-fllnngl

words are not enough...

2006-09-04T20:41:00.000-06:00

it was just a few days ago as i could still remember...
we were walking quietly down the road...
it's been such a long time since we saw each other again...

i am going to die, i calmly said
we all are, she replied

i stopped to heave a sigh and gaze out of nowhere
yea, i know that. but the difference is i'll be the first one waiting for you guys with open arms

i can see how hard it is for her to force herself from crying. but none of it matters to me anymore. so i simply give her a smile and none of us utter another word...

gone

2006-08-22T22:00:00.000-06:00

~*~be right back after 2weeks~*~

tripping your way into my premises

2006-08-17T16:19:00.000-06:00

hmmm.. i intend to leave the blogging world for a while but then i realized i couldn't just leave the world i created hanging in midair and grasping for more.

when i came back to my senses, i opened the computer right away. being in oblivion doesn't honestly help me. reminiscing the past and trying to figure out where i've gone wrong..?? not a good move either and it honestly makes things even worse. the best one is simply to move on. you guys will prolly get lost in this one. now, i feel like i have lots of explaining to do..hmm

for the past few days, well, actually months, i wasn't myself; i wasn't in my right mind. everything's a mess - the way i look at other people's lives, my own life, our world, and everything that surrounds me. my life's a shattered glass, and i'm still trying to pick up those pieces left lying on the floor and trying to put them back where they were supposed to be.

i thought writing will be my source of escape, well not actually an escape, rather a means of releasing all that ive been trying to hide just to ease my burden. but no, it definitely increases my dependence on hiding behind the shadow of words so that in the end i would realize that i was only fooling myself.

all those fucked up stories have their own hidden message, reality will soon find its way through it and it'll all end up bouncing back at me.

smiling is indeed my best ally as i try hard to clasp what's left of me as i face reality. nobody would dare ask. nobody would dare notice. try hard as you might, you'll never see what's inside of me. who would dare look me in the eye and would like to see how harsh reality could be? reality has been harsh, not only to me but im certain to a lot of people too. but i consider life as different, it has been too good to me, i have no doubts about that.

i find it funny how i love helping other people and yet i couldn't even help myself. it's easier to make people smile than keep telling yourself to hold on.

it's hard to get out from the cocoon that engulfed me, but i tried and i made it. it felt like i wa born again. surviving is one of my greatest achievements though ive failed myself for so many times now.

and now, as i face the real ME once again, i will no longer be scared. i will no longer fear my own shadow lurking just behind me. i am ME and will always be. no more doubts, no more regrets, and no more fear. oops, and yea, no more drama. fllnngl will slowly fade and bevs will eventually find her own way back home.

~*~

i was astounded when i saw a tag from talksmart declaring that i have qualified for the 'Filipino Blog of the Week'. okay, first of all, i wanted to thank talksmart and the people who voted me. it was a great pleasure to be nominated. and honestly, i was flattered and thrilled that somehow some people took notice of my blog. thanks for the vote and for the recognition.

BUT im sorry to say that i would like to ask talksmart to please remove me as a nominee. it prolly is too late, so i guess i should just wait for a couple more days. i just wanted to say that i created this blog not to be compared to others and especially not to compete. being nominated is grateful enough but that's just it. im so sorry peepz, but THANK YOU SO MUCH for all your support. i truly appreciate it. ^^

oooppss..and btw, juice, kevin, icarus05[kevin], gurly gurl .. IM BACK^^ so worry no more..tee hee..i miss you guys.. i also miss jhed, jigs, rens, jochie, aaron, donya quixote.. to those peepz i haven't mentioned, no worries either, I WILL ALL VISIT YOUR HOUSES..soooon..hehehe

oopss..one more..and btw, VOTE FOR ME!!! hahahahahhaha..KIDDING, don't take it seriously..hahah

-fllnngl

sa kalagitnaan ng walang hanggang karagatan

2006-08-10T10:45:00.000-06:00

malalim ba?? hindi naman. gusto ko lang sabihin na nasa kalagitnaan na ng buwan ng wika at kahit papano kelangan ko din naman magsulat sa wikang pilipino bago pa man ito magtapos. [trick::nagsasalita ako ~~while~~ habang nagt~~type~~susulat..parang tanga..haha]

ang lakas ng ulan sa labas. parang may bagyo. nakakatamad tuloy bumangon sa kama kaninang umaga.. hayyy.. sana di na lang ako pumasok, pero di pwede, tatambak lang ang trabaho ko.

napansin ko na nung mga panahon ng tag-ulan sa pilipinas, ang daming nagsipagsulatan sa epekto ng ulan sa kani-kanilang mga buhay. marami nag [crap! im stuck] some people shared how they felt whenever raindrops fall from the sky. [who could pls translate that??]

ilang buwan ko na din iniiwasan ung 'LOVE', 'MAHAL' kung gusto nio sa tagalog. sa trabaho ko nalang ginugugol ang aking sarili para lang makalimutan ung salitang yan. pero kahit anong gawin ko yaw akong tantanan eh. pagbibisita ako sa bahay ng may bahay, di ko naman maiiwasang pati ang pagbisita sa kani-kanilang mga kwarto ay makakaharap ko muli ang mga kwento tungkol sa salitang yan.

naalala ko tuloy ung dati kong post - long distance relationship. ~~if you read that, then you'll understand.~~ pag binasa nio yan, dun, saka nio siguro maiintindihan.

maraming tao, lam ko, na iniisip nila na manhid ako. sasabihin pa nila sakin minsan, "nasa harap mo na, sa kabilang bundok ka parin nakatingin." siguro may mga nasasaktan, pero una palang sinasabi ko na sa kanilang wag na silang pumasok sa gulo, tama na ung ako lang ang humaharap nun. minsan naaasar ako kapag sinasabi nila sakin na naiintindihan nila ngunit ang totoo ni isa wala silang naintindihan. hindi ko naman kasi sinabing makialam sila sa buhay ko, hindi ko naman hiniling na lumapit sila pag nasasaktan ako. iisa na nga lang hiniling ko sa kanila, ang iwan akong mag-isa. simple lang naman diba? tagalog man yan o ingles napakadaling intindihin. pero naisip ko, siguro nga napakadaling sabihin pero nahihirapan silang gawin. tanong ko, bakit?? mahal daw nila ako

kaibigan..ang tagal ng lumulutang ng salitang yan sa utak ko. ano ba sila sa buhay natin? eh kung ako kaya, maituturing din bang isang kaibigan..?? siguro, baka, malay ko, oo, hindi, ewan ko, ah bahala na....------

*shit* ano mang gumugulo sa utak ko ngayon at nitong mga nakalipas na araw gusto ko sana ilabas dito lahat. pero lalo lang ako naguguluhan. *shit* tama na muna..

~*~

~~[random]~~now, this is what i call a LAME post.. it doesn't even make sense. i mess it up! what should have been a good start ended up as one of the worst case scenario i couldn't even imagine. ohh meng, ill be damned!

ohh and by the way.. im really really really sorry for not being able to visit other people's blog and not being able to update more often. im a mess right now and i guess i needed more time to put myself back. bye for now...

-fllnngl

gone for good..???

2006-08-05T20:27:00.000-06:00

current location:: [???] /lost in space??? hmm../

next destination:: HAWAII

then:: DENVER, COLORADO [2nd sem, i must visit my best friend]

final destination:: PHILIPPINES [??? i wish]

*travel plan this year til next year's summer*

-bevs

.

2006-08-03T16:21:00.000-06:00

how do you define TOMORROW???

blah blah blah

2006-08-01T14:29:00.000-06:00

~~ngayon na ang pagkakataon kong magsulat gamit ang wikang filipino.~~

damn! how come it's harder for me to post something in filipino language?!?!? it's better for me if i speak it, but in terms of writing, i'd prefer english.. kinda weird and confusing eh?? ohh well..

hmm.. i noticed that for the past few days, a lot of people are getting busier and busier each day.. and *ehem* that damn includes me!! some of them even went on hiatus, i wonder how many of us will be left.. i promised myself that even if my hectic schedule will get worse, i will still continue to blog..nothing and nobody could stop me from blogging *aja!* lol

we don't have flip channel here like TFC or the one in GMA7 [dunno what it's called], but i came across someone's blog and read something about a koreanovela entitled 'My Girl'. i searched it on youtube and got totally hooked to it.. har har.. aint watchin TV but damn it was good..and besides im watching it in our computer and not on TV anyway..hahahaha

yayyy!!! we moved last night but aint finish unpacking our stuffs yet..i wouldn't be able to fix all my stuff this week and prolly next week and the week after and so on, coz i have work [fuck! oops..ohh well..tee hee]

i wouldn't be able to blog every weekend anymore. those precious times i've been saving for blogging had been taken away from me due to a very hectic schedule. working 13-15hours a day and 7days a week aint fun anymore [who said it was???] i wouldn't be able to watch movies nor shop. my life will revolve around the place where i work.. the only time i could be seen in our house is when i have to go home and get some sleep. sleep that will only last for a couple of hours..damn, i feel so stressed out. i wanted to put an end to it, but i can't. damn it!

having fun is almost fading in my vocabulary [sorry bevs] im afraid sooner rather than later, ill be like those other people who walks on earth as if they were half-asleep and half-awake, just like a robot without emotion.. damn, it's freaking me out [no, i won't be like them..im too young to just waste my teenage life...har har -bevs]

-fllnngl

wanna know more???

2006-07-28T06:33:00.000-06:00

i was supposed to post something that will contradict kev's latest entry about mood swings but i decided to just write it after im done with this one.

~*~

i created this blog last december 29, 2005 but i stopped and resumed blogging last may 31, 2006..a huge gap isn't it?? and im still wondering why i let it happen..

i suck in writing. i almost flopped english back in high school, and because of english i thought they'll dropped me out of honor roll. it's only when we moved here in canada that a teacher actually gave me a 90 something grade in english [my ave. grade in english is 85 flat].. it's not that high but im contented since, i think, it was my first line of 9 [since high school] grade in 'e'.

it's also here in canada that people say im really good in english - now i wanna see all my former english teachers, not to say thank you coz frankly speaking they're really a pain in the ass. you could ask my classmates that sometimes i do look at them with cold eyes and curse them under my breath as they pass in front of me or just as i saw them enter the room.

as i always tell people who thinks i was born in canada with a spanish blood that runs in my vein, 'id rather solve a thousand mathematical problems than write an essay.'

k..enough with my nitpicks.. i met a lot of great people, great writer with different personalities here in the blogging world... and i just wanted to share something more about 'beverly' and 'fllnngl' [for those who doesn't know *fllnngl* means fallen angel, just take out the vowels]

*BEVERLY* \the earthly persona\
: happy-go-lucky gal
: carefree and cheerful
: doesn't really care about the world
: frank and straightforward
: thinks that problems are not supposed to be taken seriously
: thinks that life is too short to just take things for granted
: immature
: would literally jump out of a 100+ storey building if she were told to
: gullible and naive
: procrastinator
: not a touchy-kind of person
: boyish [ohh yea - not the feminine type of person]
: not the kind of person you wanted to mess up with
: thinks on the brighter side of life
: doesn't know how to cry
: numb

*FLLNNGL* \the shadow\
: more mature
: open-minded
: cares so much about the world
: more realistic
: outspoken
: the one who's hurting
: takes all the blame and the shame
: the one with heart
: thinks a lot
: too complicated to handle
: you really can't read her mind
: unpredictable

kk.. i guess that's how i make a comparison between those two-persona..

\facts\
: eldest among three siblings but treated like the youngest..grrrrr
: left philippines for more than a year now
: a MATH whiz [but don't say im a geek..i bite..beware]
: we're moving into a new house on august the first
: cellphone addict [call/text]
: hates shopping [would rather stay inside a movie house all day]
: certified workaholic [CREB summer intern/cashier and at the same time sales person in U.B.]
: pure blood flip and not a pure blood spanish [don't get me wrong, spanish are drop dead gorgeous, it's just that i wanted to be known, simply as a 'flip']

-wanna know more?? pm me =p

~*~

-beverly

...

2006-07-27T16:18:00.000-06:00

a tag from KEVIN

RANDOM
Pure and immaculately chased. :) Kanta ng Dicta License - Complex! Wala lang. :D
Har har..dko lam ung song na yan

CHALLENGE
Call me here in the Philippines using your phone. And we'd have a phone conference with Ron!
YOU DIDN'T EVEN GIVE YOUR FREAKIN NUMBER!!! Har har.. but you do know mine, right?? Then, CALL me..haha

COLOR
Violet. I dunno why.
?_? and where did that came from??

LIKE
How she writes her posts. It's undeniably creative, by the way.
Thanks *blush* speechless..lol

MEMORY
Well, we met in a conference with Ron and Cars and Rina. As Ron tells me, she's somehow my admirer - but it's not true. She's just reading my blog and she told me that somehow she wants to revive her blog. And I inspired her for blogging.DAW. :) ewan ko kung totoo. But at that confe, sinupladuhan ko sya. Bad! Ha-ha, PEACE.
Well, yep.. snobbish ka nga nun..haha.. pero aus lang. nag-pm ka naman sakin sabi mo na bad trip ka and wala sa mood..basta ganun..hehe.. and yes, it's true.. I started to create a blog but didn't even update it til I saw kev's blog..i really like the way he writes that's why I started blogging^^ and im glad about that^^

ANIMAL
Panda. Cute and cuddly. :) LOL!
Hahah.. uu..i love panda too..tee hee

QUESTION
What's your favorite TV show? Haha, wala nang matanong.
Uhmm..hmmm..don't watch TV that much [movies nalang..hehe].. like once in a month lang.. pero ang talagang pinapanood ko eh Amazing Race, since tapos na ung isang season hintay ko ung next..har har..

SONG
The song that keeps ringing from my mind right know is Jann Ardens Insensitive. :) You know it? Ewan. Kanina ko pa yan kinakanta habang kumakain. Anyways yun lang!!
uu..hahah..i love that song..pero sa mga nagsesenti yan eh..hahaha.. you know..ohhh nagsesenti ka ba ngaun?? hahah

~*~

THE RULES: If you comment on this post, I will...
1. Respond with something random about you
2. Challenge you to try something
3. Pick a color that I associate with you
4. Tell you something I like about you
5. Tell you my first/clearest memory of you
6. Tell you what animal you remind me of
7. Ask you something i've always wanted to ask you
8. Pick a song that reminds me of you

i actually read a lot of people's tag but i asked kevin to tag me coz the he posted it was my ONLY free time so i just asked him ^^..nyweiz.k y'all i gotta go find comfort to my cradle [ohh damn, i do know how much it misses me] since tuesday i've been working 15hours /a day/ straight and the heck i felt like im slowly killing myself

DON'T be SCARED to post your comments, i swear, if you don't wanna be tagged that is totally fine with me, since i don't have the time to tag peepz either..i just post it to answer the tag i asked from kevz ^^

what's happening with the world today?

2006-07-25T09:41:00.000-06:00

i usually don't want to talk about politics, about the world, about humanity, since i don't have any intention in trying to meddle with them. *and i say, i live and opened my eyes in reality..how ironic is that??*

for weeks of working in an office, i was exposed more about reality, more about the facts and what can be seen around the world - having the newspaper as my new bestfriend with coffee in front of my table *typical stuffs in the Business World*

the news, for almost a fortnight now, that always makes it to the front page was about the war between israel and hezbollah. i was just wondering why aint other people here in the blogging world *i should say 'blogging-circle' im into right now* haven't posted anything about it. it's prolly aint a big deal back in phil.hmm..and it's prolly coz canada always have to meddle with these kinds of situations.

as i keep reading those news, i just couldn't deny the fact that i do have a heart..LOL.. ohh well..im not sure why im in a *sarcastic* mode right now.. and this is supposed to be another heck of a serious post x_x ..haha

a lot of people keeps on blaming israel for attacking lebanon..oopss..before anything else, i should say which side im in.. i strongly support and believe israel's actions in this situation. it's not because im against lebanon. NO. im against hezbollah.. the problem is, lebanese got it all wrong. *in my point of view*.. hezbollah (through research, newspaper, and news) is a strong terrorist group, in fact they are occupying the south of lebanon. they built their own government which is quite ironic since the land is not theirs. and i also find it odd that some lebanese are even trying to defend them, don't they know, hezbollah is trying to conquer their land coz hezbollah knew they're weak compared to them?? *sigh*

news spread about the mass evacuation. the canadian government is trying to help lebanese-canadian out of the conflict and a lot of the survivors are complaining about the slow and chaotic rescue operation. just wanna let the people know, since canada is well-known as a peacekeeper, peacemaker and has lots of sympathy etc, they still wanted to help lebanese-canadians out regarding the fact that most of the people there left canada a long time ago. they don't pay tax in canada, WE pay for them. and now, look who's complaining. why can't they just be happy about the fact that at least they were saved and they were safe now?

we are all against terrorism but there's a BIG question mark seen in our mind of HOW we could END it..

aren't you guys wondering about what' s happening in our world today??

first, that war. then, the bombing in india (obviously another terrorist attack). then, the tsunami in indonesia, after that, the earthquake. typhoons, volcanic eruption, flood, forest fire, heat wave in europe, landslides, hail..result:: death *such a simple word* ...

and now.. WHAT'S NEXT???*sigh*

..and finally she's free

2006-07-18T22:42:00.000-06:00

..(cont -trapped, the pain)

and i saw a tear fell from her eyes as she walk away..

~*~

she is slowly fading, her body is slowly giving up, i can tell just by the look of her eyes. no, she doesn't wanna let the people know nor does she wanted them to see. she hides it, deep underneath her soul. she continues to live her life as if nothing's wrong. but we both know, sooner rather than later, it'll come to an end.

and as time goes by, i can feel that something's wrong. something's aint right. the moment she talked to me, the way she looked at me, the questions she left me with answers ive been trying to find. she left me hanging, with doubt not only in my mind but also in my heart.

i tried not to think of her, to leave her side for a while, just for once. i tried, and yet i failed.

i could feel no sadness nor pain. i became numb. no more tears will fall from my eyes. lil did i know that all of these are merely illusions and fallacy, an act of denial and refusal to open my eyes in reality. the pain is still there, the doubt and the fear. ohh and yes, fear...fear of facing the things i don't even know, fear of the future and what's yet to come.

her end is near, i can feel the breeze of death coming her way.

once again, for the last time, she looks at me as if pleading for help. no, she aint pleading for help, she looks at me with pity, with great compassion and sympathy. more doubts filled my mind. i wanted to reach her, to touch her, to hold her close to me. but as soon as i came face to face with her and tried to touch her face, i stopped.

why stop now? you've already come this far, why don't you carry on?

so i continue... she smiled at me with peace in her eyes as she started to fade away. as her silhouette almost left me, something behind her became clear. and i saw those eyes, her eyes...those deep eyes. then suddenly, i looked at her for the last time, she still smiles and yet i saw a tear fell from her peaceful eyes as she completely walk away.

and i suddenly realized what's behind her. a mirror... my mind became clear and finally, i understand. fears ive been trying to hide from my deepest soul burst out like wild fire. and i saw her more clearly this time...ohh no, i saw myself more clearly this time.. no more questions left in my mind. answers are just right in front of me all along ...and finally she's free.

~*~

-the end

the pain

2006-07-15T09:40:00.000-06:00

..(cont -trapped)

~*~

earlier that day, severe headache attacked her. no, it wasn't really a headache, it was something else too. she's having a hard time breathing. she can feel the darkness closing in around her.

im worthless, i can't do anything, so i watched her, dying in front of me. i tried to avoid her gaze.. those gaze that will haunt me forever.

~*~

she stared at me and i just can't help but look through her somber eyes once again. i tried to look passed her deepest secret, her hiding soul. i tried to reach out for her as darknesss engulf me in another world.

memories after memories...memories of somewhere, of something, is slowly fading.

after staring at those unfathomable eyes, tears silently fell that broke my heart. and finally i felt it.. the pain. the most agonizing pain i felt in my whole life.

~*~

i stared at the darkness around me. i can see a flicker of light from a distance. then i heard her sob.. for the first time i've known her i saw the real HER. everything changed except for her deep eyes. tears then silently fell.

"you don't undestand, do you?"

once again i looked at her not through her eyes that will only cause too much pain

"you've always been there and still you're afraid to open your eyes, you're scared to open your heart. the worst is yet to come and you're not even ready to face it..."

and she left me, dumbfounded... with questions that gives doubt in my mind... with fear that answers will tear my heart apart...

~*~

got lost already??? the worst is yet to come...

-fllnngl

trapped

2006-07-08T11:06:00.000-06:00

"Good Bye" is indeed the hardest word to say, not "I'm Sorry". It's also the scariest word i've ever encounter in my whole life...

~*~

i can see her everyday. carrying her purse, running like someone's after her, her heart pounding like it wouldn't seem to stop. everytime she'll pass by, i can see her eyes, so deep i couldn't reach it. it's as if something's buried deep underneath the earth's surface that she wouldn't want anybody to see.

she works 15hours a day and 7days a week. i always wonder why she just wouldn't wanna stop.

so the world stopped, and there, it hits me. she's scared. she's scared like hell. she thought she's strong enough to face everything, but she's wrong. and she's not YET ready for what's going to happen next.

~*~

all these times, i was just right beside her. what happened a minute ago is still a blur. but i could still remember some pieces of the puzzle, but a lot of those pieces are still missing and are not in their right place.........

she's just on her desk, doing things she always do. when she looked my way, i can tell there's something wrong. those deep eyes were flooded with doubt, with fear, and with pain. she tries to stand, then......

~*~

she woke up and wonder where in the hell she is. she saw her mom and dad beside her bed. but no, she wasn't in her bed. a lady in white came to her and ask her if she's alright. she stared at her, dumbfounded. "why and how in the hell did i get here?!?!" .......

he's in his office. his eyes are full of fear. he's waiting, there's a cloud of doubt above his head. he asked her to sit.

she sat, still having those clouds of questions in her head. he began to speak, but she hears nothing. it's like she's been hypnotized that she can only see him moving his lips as he speak. but she heard the tragic news. and it stays in her mind forever.

"...there's something we found in the test. But since we wanted to make it sure, we're going to repeat the test again.

She has leukemia...

--- if the test has been confirmed, i can only say that she has 3 or 6 months to almost 2 or 3 years, depending on the therapy, to live..."

there, he said it. so simple and plain. as if he's only giving her a deadline for a project.

~*~

she looks up at the sky and wonder why it had to be so beautiful, so bright, so perfect. she suddenly felt empty. she looked up at her crying mom and astounded dad. she smiled, with simplicity and clarity.

don't cry, tears can't do anything. what's done is done. she told herself.

questions filled my mind when i saw her eyes. there's a different kind of fear that resides within her.

no. i'm not scared of dying. i'm more scared of saying good bye. i love them too much to even say good bye. i care for them too much to even say good bye. no, no, no. i'm not scared of facing death itself.

to be continued??? (hope there'll be enough time)

~*~

To All readers::

i'm always having a hard time posting a new entry. i know, this blog is supposed to be my world. my OWN world, full of my OWN thoughts, and my OWN beliefs. my way of writing is quite different from others. i'm more comfortable writing using metaphors, ironies, and second-meanings (whatever the hell it's called). but i cant write the way i wanted to. so i tried to write in the simplest, most direct way of telling people how my mind works or how it thinks. i wanted the readers to understand. i wanted them to open their eyes to reality, to the world. i wanted them to face their most dreaded fears and not just escape them. i wanted them to see the brighter side and not what the society's trying to portrait. but i dont know how i can do it. how can i make them understand if my way of writing is so different and hard to fathom?

now i don't know what else i can do but *sigh*.

-fllnngl

we can't do anything but sigh

2006-07-04T22:31:00.000-06:00

woke up today thinking of you
another night that i made my way through
so many dreams still left in my mind
but they can never come true

i press rewind and remember when
i close my eyes and im with you again
but in the end i can still feel the pain
everytime i hear your name

the sun wont shine since you went away
seems like the rain's falling everyday
there's just one heart, where there once was two
but that's the way it's gotta be
til i get over you

walked through the park, in the evening air
i heard a voice and i thought you were there
i run away but i just can't escape
memories of you everywhere

they say that time will dry the tears
but true love burns for a thousand years
give my tomorrows for one yesterday
just to know that i could have you here

when will this river of tears stop fallin
where can i run so i wont feel alone
cant walk away when the pain keeps callin
ive just gotta take it from here on my own
but it's so hard to let go

~*~

hey, does it ever make you wonder what's on my mind?
hey, i was only ever running back to your side
i never cried, i just watched my life go by
it's just a pack of lies
coz you're leavin me behind

why, after this long is there nothin i'll keep?
oh, i can shout, you'll pretend you're fallin asleep
i live a lie, believin that you're mine
it's just a waste of time
coz you're leavin me behind

hey, there's not a cloud in the sky
it's as blue as your blue good bye
and i thought that it would rain
on the day you went away

~*~

put away the pictures
put away the memories
i put over and over through my tears

i've held them til im blind
they kept my hope alive
as if somehow that would keep you here

once you believed in a love forever more...
how do you leave it in a drawer?

now here it comes, the hardest part of all
unchain my heart that's holding on
how do i start to live my life alone?
guess im just learning, learning the art of letting go

try to say it's over
say the word good bye
but each time it catches in my throat

you're still here in me
and i cant set you free
so i hold on to what i wanted most

maybe someday we'll be friends forever more
wish i could open up that door

watching us fade
what can i do?
but try to make it through the pain of one more day
without you

when will i start to live my life alone?
guess im learning, learning the art of letting go

~*~

-iono what comes to my mind to post all these...i'll continue this TOM.. =(

the follow up

2006-07-02T21:21:00.003-06:00

YAYYYY!!! im back in the blogging world once again ^^ i'm really sorry for not doing an entry yesterday coz im so ~~damn~~ tired..

anyweiz..i don't actually wanna go over what happened at work coz it's gonna be so boring.. and i've been doing a lot of boring entries lately..c'mon hottie hottie lil body, shake that buttieee, with the triple 'e'..lol that doesn't really make sense..ohh well prolly it's bcoz i cant think of anything to write.. really..

last night, since i didn't do an entry, i just went in through other people's 'house' and peek in through their rooms. i just noticed something. a lot of people couldn't really think of anything to write once they saw the blank space in front of them. and that's what's happening to me. just a min ago i was about to say something then in a blink of an eye, i just lost it. prolly it's because there's too much on my mind right now and it's pretty chaotic inside. wanna have a look at it? =p

*sigh* =(

...

i promise to finish updating my entry about death (part2)

...

-no one really knows how much it hurts

their world..soon to be mine too

2006-06-28T19:51:00.000-06:00

first day in the world of business suits, of black ladies, of bow ties, of straight bodies, of attache cases, of sleek and clean attire, of expensive and luxurious cars..my first day..my first day in the Business World.

i jumped out of the bus and stared upward at the gigantic building in front of me. i realized that it wasn't that big after calming myself a lil bit. i walk straight to the front desk, wondering why there were so many people in the lobby. office hours won't start til 8:30 in the morning..and i arrived there 30min earlier coz im scared of being late. i just found out that they're having a seminar and will be broadcasted after. ughh..so i guess i have to wait.. not in the lobby nymore though.. after 30min of waiting, the receptionist lead the way to meet the manager ill be working with.

there'll be only four of us in the Charitable Foundation Department. they told me that we're going to do a project (fund raising) and we're actually 3weeks behind since they've been quite busy from other project that's still in process.

i have my own lil lair in the corner of the room. oopss..before anything else.. i wanna describe how our room (department) looks like..it's a bit smaller than what i expected (i didn't expect that there'll be only 4 of us working anyweiz). it's a bit messy, not what i expected either coz i thought they're supposed to be organized and neat. they gave me everything i needed for my position except for -..

they informed me that next week we will be moving to the other side of the hall. me and my boss visited it and i saw that it's bigger than what we have right now. my boss will have her own office which is kinda cool and she's very excited about it.

next week, i'll have my own computer (with internet access *duhh!*), my own telephone, my own table and etc. ^^

i don't feel like i did anything today. i just read the newspaper (like a stack of newspapers), find, and cut articles (the heck. i don't even know what they're gonna do with it). and since i slept late last night, i began to feel a lil bit sleepy. so i got up, went to the kitchen and made some mocha java. since drinking anything with caffeine will have the opposite effect on me, i nearly dozed off. x_x

*sigh* my post doesn't make sense anymore..im really sorry..im too tired to even think right now..that's just an overview of what happened to me today..

ohh and btw...just to let people know..im prolly dead tomorrow and on friday..ill be reborn on saturday night..^^ cya peeppzz ^^

ohh meng..no way!!!

2006-06-27T13:34:00.000-06:00

Acidity::
refers to a set of symptoms caused by an imbalance between the acid secreting mechanism of the stomach and proximal intestine and the protective mechanisms that ensure their safety. The stomach normally secretes acid that is essential in the digestive process. This acid helps in breaking down the food during digestion. When there is excess production of acid by the gastric glands of the stomach, it results in the condition known as acidity. However, there are certain types of ulcers where acid secretion is either normal or even low. Acidity is responsible for symptoms like dyspepsia, heartburn and the formation of ulcers (erosion of the lining of the stomach or intestines). Acidity tends to have a much higher incidence in highly emotional and nervous individuals. It is also more common in the developed and industrialised nations, though a recent increase in incidence has also occurred in the developing countries. Consumption of Alcohol, highly spicy foodstuffs, non-vegetarian diets, and Non Steroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drugs (NSAID's) also predispose to gastric acidity.

i'm currently suffering from acidity (gastric acid secretion). i'm actually not sure if acidity is heritable but my dad is acidic too.

i've been sitting in my throne for such a long time with nothing to do but groan and curse my tummy though it's my fault. last night i ate grapefruit and drink the vinegar. today, for breakfast, after drinking cappuccino i drink tropicana after. how much acid did i intake already?!?! meng, i'm dead.

nyweiz..i honestly don't know what to say..

i wanted to watch the fast and the furious: tokyo drift after reading juice's blog..=p
i already have plans on when to watch it. but my plans were ruined!!! grrrr..im supposed to watch it today since it'll be my last free day.

tomorrow, i'll start my full time summer internship job at CREB (Calgary Real Estate Board). i'll work there as an intern for the Charitable Foundation Department. the heck..i still dunno what i'm suppose to be doing there. i dont know if i should be scared since i consider it as my first REAL job. and on thursday and friday, i'll work my ass out for the whole day.. (from 8:30a.m. til 11:00p.m.) coz i have my part time job in Urban Behavior.

am i being a workaholic?? i guess i was already influenced by people here who didn't know how to take a rest. people who just keeps on working as if there'll be no more tomorrow, as if 24hours and 7days a week is not enough. i don't wanna be like them, but having this system in our society, i don't think i could resist (but i'm trying). i don't wanna be like a robot who just walks on earth like they're half-asleep and half-awake (refer to my death (part1) post).

i'll continue this coz i g2g to Sunridge and buy clothes again *darn it* (sana to watch movie instead of shoppin nalang x_x darn it!!)

*yayyyy!! i already got those make-ups i ordered from avon ^^*

i'm 100% pure blood flip (commercial)

2006-06-24T22:43:00.000-06:00

two customers on their way to pay the clothes they wanted..

* gusto mo ba talaga yan?
** oo. isusuot ko siya sa party.
* ang pangit kaya ng kulay
** puti? pag tinapatan ng spotlight titignan nila akong lahat (sabay tawa)

'i can help you here' i said and those two girls made their way. 'how are you? did you find everything you wanted here?'

** ohh, we're good, i like it here. when did you guys open?
'we opened last week.'
* are you partners with sirens?
'oh no.. we're actually partners with costa blanca. urban behavior and costa blanca belongs to one company. and this urban behavior is the first one in calgary. ohh and by the way, they'll open a new one in marlborough on august.'
* ohh..i see. cool

i started scanning the clothes they bought and both of them just kept talking.

'uhmm..excuse me, all of these clothes are on final sale. hindi nio na po sia ----'
* PILIPINO KA?? (parang nagfreak out sila when they found out im flip)
'uh..opo (totally shocked coz they freak out. pati cashier na katabi ko and ibang customers napatingin samin *blush*)'
* i thought you're spanish
'ohh ..hehe (*sarcastic laugh* hoping they didn't notice it)'

---it's the 7th time (i think) people actually freak out for finding out that im flip or an asian. i find it funny at first. but people freaking out in front of my face constantly, just totally annoys me.

~*~

there's this time, when i'm still working in kfc, when a guy thought i was an egyptian. *freakin egyptian?!?!?!* malabo ba mata nia?

noh ba look ng egyptian? i asked my friends (an iraqi and afghanistan - noor and pashmina) what an egyptian looks like. they told me, they look like indians, only indians have deeper eyes and egyptians have fair complexion unlike indians. then i told them about the guy who thought im an egyptian

mina: at first i think you are. but you're more like a spanish than an egyptian to me though. then i just find out you're a flip.
'whatta--' (*search miss egypt on net to know what they look like*-that's what i did =p)

~*~

im on my way to work (urban behavior) when this guy came up to me speaking in a different language. i just looked at him, totally lost.

* you're not español eh? (with a very weird accent)
'sorry sir i'm not'
* what is the time? (¿cuál es el tiempo? in spanish after actually searching it on the internet.lol)

~*~

*sigh* im no freakin spanish nor an egyptian.not even viet (to some who thought i am).. i wanna be known as flip. pati kapwa ko pinoi eh minsan hindi ako namumukaan =( *sigh* ohh well.. here..i'll post some of my pics just to prove that i do look like a filipino!!! coz im proud to be one!!!.......you judge!!

death (part 1)

2006-06-21T21:02:00.000-06:00

*death*
...a word that people encounters with uncertainty
...a word that signifies 'the end'
...a word that gives people the creeps
...a word that lets people think about darkness and sadness
...a word that makes people feel they're facing 'the unknown'

what is it with that word that makes people feel all those things?
why do people grieve when someone dies? does dying signifies losing a part of yourself if you lose someone?

will the world stop if someone dies? no. it'll took no notice at all.

why do people fear death? why is it so hard to think about dying?
i wanna show the brighter side of death and not just what people will typically think about it (the negative)

everyone knows that we are going to die, we just DON'T believe that we REALLY are going to die. we think that death only means 'the end'..and because we're all afraid of dying, we sometimes just kid ourselves about death. we hide the truth within ourselves cause we're all scared...the truth that once we learn how to die, we'll learn how to live. all of us are afraid to die because it's hard for us to let go of the things we think is good and best for us.

today..most of us walk on earth as if we're half-asleep and half-awake. we don't really care about the world anymore. we automatically do things we think we have to do. but if we believe we're going to die we'll focus ourselves in doing what is right, what is of value and what is essential. we'll see everything around us and around the world much differently.

once we learn how to die, the things we spend so much time on will no longer seem important. what's going to be important are the things we took for granted before - our relationship among other people, our relationship with the world and everything around us. we will be able to give up all the material things that enthrall us. and finally, we will all be free...free from all the burden we've been carrying for such a long time.

it's not that hard to talk about death. it's very broad. but we only focuses on what the eyes can see and not what there is within.

it's like looking in the palm of your hands. when you focuses on it, the things behind it gets blurry. but when you look pass behind it, your palm's the one getting blurry.... then you'll understand.

-i would like to thank you Pstr. Bhong, Morrie Schwartz, Mr. Ranieri, Jhed, Aaron, and Harvey. i wouldn't be able to finish this post without them. ^^-

done!! finally!!

2006-06-20T18:45:00.000-06:00

*i took this one while studying and at the same time waiting for the dungeon to open up its doors and swallow me alive*

yea yea yea..i know, i know, i know.. i didn't fulfill my PROMISE.. that i will stay away from this ~~stupid~~ computer.. ang lakas talaga ng temptation eh..can't resist it..LOL.. yea..ohh well..i only have one more exam left *dance dance dance*

how was my exams??

MATH (monday):: mah fave subject.. yea..im pretty sure i got 90+% sa diploma.. well, yan lang naman alam kong gawin eh. pag nawala pa sakin yan, la nakong use sa mundo..haha..mR. ranieri the best teacher in FLHS!! you RocK!!!

CHEMISTRY (tuesday):: grrrrrr...it's pretty easy if I DID study!! but i didn't.. so i guess it was my fault. ohhh nahh..it's not easy.. those people who wrote that stupid *~~damn~~* diploma (for my part, it was my teacher who wanna get his masters) they prolly wanna eat us alive or wanna see us suffer..i struggled in my seat for almost 3hours!! hahaha..good thing i wasn't the last one to finish the exam..(mr.Michaud..though you really made our lives quite more complicated..you're still one of the best teacher in FLHS!! you RocK!!)

SOCIALS (wednesday):: hmmm..dunno what to say about our test..it's ok, i guess.. not that hard and not that easy either..it's just that i ran out of time. i only have 30min left to finish my position paper..good thing i hand it in in time.^^ mr.FowLer..one of the nicest bestest teacher in FLHS(next after mr. R)..you RocK too!!!

*yayy..finally!!! no more exam..no more school..halllooo summer!!! ^^ hahaha...i still hope, even though i'll work for the entire summer, that it's gonna be one of the best moment in mah life ^^*

i give up

2006-06-15T09:22:00.000-06:00

*yawn* geeze. i woke up early coz i thought i could still do my portfolio (naghahapit =p) but when i already finished rewriting my mission statement and i was about to print it, dun pa nawalan ng black ink ang printer namin! x_x di naman pwede na coloured ang font ng mission statement ko, aus lang kung may design and stuff pero ang font BLACK!! tapos ang dami ko pang ipprint. more than 100 pages. crap. so un. i give up. i decided to not do it and just lose my credits T_T i know it's my fault. they gave us the whole sem to finish it, and im trying to do it for only 4hours. ano ko? si superman? hahaha ohh well..incomplete din naman kahit matapos ko un coz almost all my stuff na pwede kong ilagay sa aking portfolio eh nasa pinas. bigyan nio ko pamasahe para umuwi dun and kunin un payag ako..haha

ohh well..inatake kasi ako ng aking katamaran. yan napapala ko. T_T
past is past. kung inisip ko lang un, magiging pangit lang araw ko at mababadtrip lang ako. kaya tama na un. haha.. be happy ^^ parang si jollibee (waaa..tama ba spelling?? nakalimutan ko na T_T)

un. ang scrap materials ng aking portfolio ay nakahilata sa kama. maya ko na ausin bago pumasok sa school. oopss ang bilis talaga ng takbo ng oras. maya maya nalang eh papasok na ulit sa school....

whoa.. nguan ko lang narealize, last day of school na pala!!! hahaha..YESSS.. summer na.pero may panibagong kalbaryo akong haharapin ngaung summer..x_x sa monday na start ng exam sched ko. ni hindi ko man lang nabuksan ang mga libro ko. tamad! inaaatake ng katamaran! T_T baka mawala ako ng mga 5araw kakaaral. kelangan lumayo muna sa computer kasi baka matempt ako. atakihin na naman ako ni T. hayy..

bahala na. papasok pa kaya ako ngaun? isang subject nalang aattendan ko coz hindi ko na nga ipapasa ang aking portfolio. pero ah ewan..bahala na x_x

long distance relationship

2006-06-10T18:00:00.000-06:00

2005 dawn of april 17th. i could sense the sun trying to peek from his place. silently, one by one, people will soon wake up. and when that time comes, they wouldn't notice anything that had happened.

i stared at the sky, amazed and at the same time mad of how time goes so fast. i know he's staring at me, i can feel it. i can also feel my heart, beating like crazy. i dunno what to say. i stood there, speechless, trying to stop my tears from falling. suddenly i felt his arms around me

"look at me. kaya natin toh. oo mahirap pero papatalo ba tayo?" i told him im scared. im scared i might not be able to see him again, im scared that our promises, our dreams, our plans, and our future together might vanish instantly. i know that what im going to face is gonna be hard, not only for me but for him too. but id rather risk it than accept defeat without even fighting.

it's been a year now since it happened. and i still can't forget it. i dreamt about it and it felt so real. there has been lots of trials and i still try to stand without someone whom i can lean on. some will say "forget him. you know it will not work anyway. you'll find someone better. someone who'll be there for you, physically" but im not trying to find someone. how come people just dont undestand? sometimes i think the reason they dont believe in long distance relationship is because they're just scared, just like me. but at least im trying to fight, but if i were them, instead of discouraging someone, ill just help them, make them feel they're not alone, encourage them so they will stay strong.

long distance relationship..... is it a bad thing? i dont get how society makes it work or how it should be portrayed. is it really going to work, or is it gonna be just an illusion? is it something to hope for or something to feel despair?

it's over

2006-06-03T16:37:00.000-06:00

who ever heard of someone saying that their life sucks??? i guess it's not new to majority of people these days eh?? hindi na bago satin un..coz pati tau masasabi natin that life sucks..

hmm...i was talking to my friend, harvey, last night til one in the morning..we always talk late at night....about life and such..ohh well..anyweiz..he gave me a card so i can call terrence..but it's hard trying to contact him...i sometimes realize how unique and kind of kewl our relationship is..i miss him..a lot..like hell lot..but do i have a choice??? i guess wala..ohh well..but even if i do and don't have a choice in life doesn't mean i should be mad at it...nyweiz hmmm..i forgot when..but one time me and harvey talked about destiny...

destiny...
somebody asked, "who in the hell believes in destiny?"
"i do" i silently answered..

believing in destiny doesn't mean people doesn't have a choice of how they should choose to live their lives...harvey and i argued about the fact that destiny only imprisons us..and i have to disagree..he doesn't believe in destiny..he believes that destiny doesn't give you any choice..well for me, even if i do believe in destiny i also believe that you have a choice.. whatever happens to your life, it's all your choice..BUT no matter what you choose, it's already been predicted..no matter what will happen in your life, it's already been predicted..it's destiny..what you choose is your destiny..whatever you made, may it be right or wrong, it's still your choice and you'll end up learning something in the end..destiny.. that's destiny..you choose but what i'm saying is even if you choose, even if you decide things for yourself, you'll end up what destiny already predicted for you....-------

ooopppppssiiess i need to cut this crap for a while..i just have to continue it next time coz there's other pressing matter i have to consider..

til then

spring's almost over

2006-05-31T16:18:00.000-06:00

whoa....i didnt know it'll take this long for me to post a new entry...it's been a while now and i haven't updated my blog since then..nyweiz..life..i guess....it changed..a lot..in my point of view i can sometimes say.."geezee...there's nothing new nymore..i always do the same thing all over again" but then i came to realize where i was now and how big the difference is since we left philippines..after reading other people's blog entries, i got inspired and i hope this inspiration will last longer unlike my inspirations in the past which encourage me to write..nyweiz..i realize once again that im being *behind* now as i read other people's article..ohhh,...and kind of made me sad and i dunno what feeling i felt but somehow...uhmm..geeze and now it's hard for me to explain it.. ohh well

bago lang po...

2005-12-29T15:00:00.000-06:00

aiight...i still dont have anything to put here..so gawin ko muna siang experiment since this blog wont be my exclusive one....i have another one so check it out..ill just post it latah...gotta fix this first..and if this works..then..good... ^_^

angel with broken wings

|watch out...|

confessions of a work-a-whore-ic

hear me, hear me

the gift nobody wanted

let's give a recap....

words are not enough...

gone

tripping your way into my premises

sa kalagitnaan ng walang hanggang karagatan

gone for good..???

.

blah blah blah

wanna know more???

...

what's happening with the world today?

..and finally she's free

the pain

trapped

we can't do anything but *sigh*

the follow up

*their* world..soon to be mine too

ohh meng..no way!!!

i'm 100% pure blood flip (commercial)

death (part 1)

done!! finally!!

i give up

long distance relationship

it's over

spring's almost over

bago lang po...

we can't do anything but sigh

their world..soon to be mine too