Thursday, August 17, 2006
tripping your way into my premises
hmmm.. i intend to leave the blogging world for a while but then i realized i couldn't just leave the world i created hanging in midair and grasping for more.
when i came back to my senses, i opened the computer right away. being in oblivion doesn't honestly help me. reminiscing the past and trying to figure out where i've gone wrong..?? not a good move either and it honestly makes things even worse. the best one is simply to move on. you guys will prolly get lost in this one. now, i feel like i have lots of explaining to do..hmm
for the past few days, well, actually months, i wasn't myself; i wasn't in my right mind. everything's a mess - the way i look at other people's lives, my own life, our world, and everything that surrounds me. my life's a shattered glass, and i'm still trying to pick up those pieces left lying on the floor and trying to put them back where they were supposed to be.
i thought writing will be my source of escape, well not actually an escape, rather a means of releasing all that ive been trying to hide just to ease my burden. but no, it definitely increases my dependence on hiding behind the shadow of words so that in the end i would realize that i was only fooling myself.
all those fucked up stories have their own hidden message, reality will soon find its way through it and it'll all end up bouncing back at me.
smiling is indeed my best ally as i try hard to clasp what's left of me as i face reality. nobody would dare ask. nobody would dare notice. try hard as you might, you'll never see what's inside of me. who would dare look me in the eye and would like to see how harsh reality could be? reality has been harsh, not only to me but im certain to a lot of people too. but i consider life as different, it has been too good to me, i have no doubts about that.
i find it funny how i love helping other people and yet i couldn't even help myself. it's easier to make people smile than keep telling yourself to hold on.
it's hard to get out from the cocoon that engulfed me, but i tried and i made it. it felt like i wa born again. surviving is one of my greatest achievements though ive failed myself for so many times now.
and now, as i face the real ME once again, i will no longer be scared. i will no longer fear my own shadow lurking just behind me. i am ME and will always be. no more doubts, no more regrets, and no more fear. oops, and yea, no more drama.
fllnngl will slowly fade and bevs will eventually find her own way back home.~*~
i was astounded when i saw a tag from
talksmart declaring that i have qualified for the 'Filipino Blog of the Week'. okay, first of all, i wanted to thank talksmart and the people who voted me. it was a great pleasure to be nominated. and honestly, i was flattered and thrilled that somehow some people took notice of my blog. thanks for the vote and for the recognition.
BUT im sorry to say that i would like to ask talksmart to please remove me as a nominee. it prolly is too late, so i guess i should just wait for a couple more days. i just wanted to say that i created this blog not to be compared to others and especially not to compete. being nominated is grateful enough but that's just it. im so sorry peepz, but THANK YOU SO MUCH for all your support. i truly appreciate it. ^^
oooppss..and btw,
juice, kevin, icarus05[kevin], gurly gurl .. IM BACK^^ so worry no more..tee hee..i miss you guys.. i also miss
jhed, jigs, rens, jochie, aaron, donya quixote.. to those peepz i haven't mentioned, no worries either, I WILL ALL VISIT YOUR HOUSES..soooon..hehehe
oopss..one more..and btw, VOTE FOR ME!!! hahahahahhaha..KIDDING, don't take it seriously..hahah
-fllnngl
posted by fllnngl1225 @ 4:19 PM
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