Saturday, July 08, 2006
trapped
"Good Bye" is indeed the hardest word to say, not "I'm Sorry". It's also the scariest word i've ever encounter in my whole life...
~*~
i can see her everyday. carrying her purse, running like someone's after her, her heart pounding like it wouldn't seem to stop. everytime she'll pass by, i can see her eyes, so deep i couldn't reach it. it's as if something's buried deep underneath the earth's surface that she wouldn't want anybody to see.
she works 15hours a day and 7days a week. i always wonder why she just wouldn't wanna stop.
so the world stopped, and there, it hits me. she's scared. she's scared like hell. she thought she's strong enough to face everything, but she's wrong. and she's not YET ready for what's going to happen next.
~*~
all these times, i was just right beside her. what happened a minute ago is still a blur. but i could still remember some pieces of the puzzle, but a lot of those pieces are still missing and are not in their right place.........
she's just on her desk, doing things she always do. when she looked my way, i can tell there's something wrong. those deep eyes were flooded with doubt, with fear, and with pain. she tries to stand, then......
~*~
she woke up and wonder where in the hell she is. she saw her mom and dad beside her bed. but no, she wasn't in her bed. a lady in white came to her and ask her if she's alright. she stared at her, dumbfounded. "why and how in the hell did i get here?!?!" .......
he's in his office. his eyes are full of fear. he's waiting, there's a cloud of doubt above his head. he asked her to sit.
she sat, still having those clouds of questions in her head. he began to speak, but she hears nothing. it's like she's been hypnotized that she can only see him moving his lips as he speak. but she heard the tragic news. and it stays in her mind forever.
"...there's something we found in the test. But since we wanted to make it sure, we're going to repeat the test again.
She has leukemia...
--- if the test has been confirmed, i can only say that she has 3 or 6 months to almost 2 or 3 years, depending on the therapy, to live..."
there, he said it. so simple and plain. as if he's only giving her a deadline for a project.
~*~
she looks up at the sky and wonder why it had to be so beautiful, so bright, so perfect. she suddenly felt empty. she looked up at her crying mom and astounded dad. she smiled, with simplicity and clarity.
don't cry, tears can't do anything. what's done is done. she told herself.
questions filled my mind when i saw her eyes. there's a different kind of fear that resides within her.
no. i'm not scared of dying. i'm more scared of saying good bye. i love them too much to even say good bye. i care for them too much to even say good bye. no, no, no. i'm not scared of facing death itself.
to be continued??? (hope there'll be enough time)
~*~
To All readers::
i'm always having a hard time posting a new entry. i know, this blog is supposed to be my world. my OWN world, full of my OWN thoughts, and my OWN beliefs. my way of writing is quite different from others. i'm more comfortable writing using metaphors, ironies, and second-meanings (whatever the hell it's called). but i cant write the way i wanted to. so i tried to write in the simplest, most direct way of telling people how my mind works or how it thinks. i wanted the readers to understand. i wanted them to open their eyes to reality, to the world. i wanted them to face their most dreaded fears and not just escape them. i wanted them to see the brighter side and not what the society's trying to portrait. but i dont know how i can do it. how can i make them understand if my way of writing is so different and hard to fathom?
now i don't know what else i can do but *sigh*.
-fllnngl
posted by fllnngl1225 @ 11:06 AM
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