Wednesday, January 03, 2007
|watch out...|
i'll be back, soooooooooooon.. i PROMISE!!!
i miss everybody =[
posted by fllnngl1225 @ 8:36 PM
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Sunday, October 08, 2006
confessions of a work-a-whore-ic
first impressions doesn't last. the first time i met him i thought he's just an ordinary guy that keeps on bossing us around. i thought he was a snub who prolly drains all the life left on him. i have to admit he intimidates me with his british accent.
little did i know that i would actually fall for him, or was i really falling for him? i don't know and i don't wanna know.
we became close in a short span of time. i couldn't understand nor explain how i really feel when he's around. he would sometimes make me nervous that i almost trip when he smiled and looked my way. he would make me laugh with one of his most stupid joke. he would make me mad for not making me understand what he really wanted. i guess im not as sensitive as other people.
he prolly hates me for noticing my awkward conversations and actions if im with him. he might hate me more if he found out how i really feel for him. so everyday i must pretend and keep my feelings away from him. how will i do that? i have no clue.
staring at his deep blue eyes will simply put me into a melo-hypnotic state. i admire it as they turn blue-grayish green (couldn't really explain it) when the sun shines on them. i admire it as they turn back to blue when he laughs innocently at my stupid jokes. i admire it as they turn gray when he looks at me with doubt and confusion. but i still love staring at him though he makes it cast a spell that'll put me in my ocean of dreams.
[loving someone who doesn't love you back wasn't easy, but does loving someone so much really have to hurt?]-fllnngl
posted by fllnngl1225 @ 9:55 PM
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Thursday, October 05, 2006
hear me, hear me
okay, i aint going to deny it. I DON'T HAVE A FREAKING TIME TO POST A NEW ENTRY. and to all readers, i am deeply sorry. im sorry for not being a 'responsible' blogger. i wanted to, but time's a worst enemy, what can i do???
anyweiz. i haven't tell you what my other job yet, didn't i?? hmmm.. honestly i couldn't believe it myself. i got in Petro-Canada. one of the biggest oil company in Canada; the highest building in calgary - higher than the Calgary Tower. it's a once in a lifetime opportunity. i got to be one of their intern in the Accounts Payable Division. i was the first High School student who get to work there. and anytime soon i will meet and will have another great opportunity to talk to one of their engineers. i honestly dunno how lucky and happy i am. i am still mesmerized everytime i walked out of the building and couldn't believe my luck.
that's the sum of it. i just wanna make it fast so it won't bore anybody who's reading.
but i couldn't help it. i just wanna write how i really feel. everytime i enter the elevator, my heart won't just stop beating. not that im not used to working there, it was just like a dream come true. a 30-seconds ride to get to 15th floor felt like forever. out on street, i used to count the floors of the building and i saw where im working. damn, it wasn't even half of the whole building. last summer, since my aunt and my mom's working there as well, they let us go to the highest floor and it felt surreal. i felt like i left the earth behind me, that i don't really care to anybody at all. haha, it was a good feeling. but i have to admit it was dumb.
im still struggling on balancing my time. having a spare was a great help indeed. ^_^ but that's it.
last friday, we rushed in my aunt's house. she said she couldn't breathe. my cousin told us that they called 911 so we saw them there when we arrived. they brought her to the hospital, and we were left baby sitting our cousins. they arrived early in the morning and she aint still ok. they made several tests and they said that a part of her heart is swollen. they said it was dangerous since it was trying to block the oxygen from coming. damn, i could feel the whole earth in my shoulder.
and now, i believe in what they say.
sa bawat swerte, may kakambal na malas. it was something like that. i just couldn't put the right words. x_x
what now? who's next?
-fllnngl
posted by fllnngl1225 @ 9:36 AM
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Friday, September 15, 2006
the gift nobody wanted
-excerpt from the book "Where is God when it hurts"
you prolly know what i'm talking about. the curse everybody hated and feared.
it all started with blood circulating in our body that keeps on running as generations come and go.
cancer.
simple word isn't it?? correlated with the word death. blood-chilling, stomach-churning, mind-boggling.
whenever i come across that word, i often tell myself "whew! good thing it wasn't me". but that was only for a period of time.
a lot of you guys are prolly wondering why i always write an entry regarding the deadly disease. simply because it affected my whole life.
~*~
for 16 years of existence, i had never step foot in a cemetery before. i always try to imagine how it's like to be there during halloween or even all saint's day.
attending my 8th year old cousin's funeral, who was diagnosed with leukemia since he was a kid, was the first time i had actually been into a cemetery. the second time i look inside the coffin. the third time i attended a funeral service.
my grandfather also died of cancer, so as my dad's uncle.
and damn did my world crushed in front of me when i heard the news that my aunt is going to be diagnosed with cancer.
now you all know the reason why i have to regularly visit the hospital starting on monday. my aunt will undergo chemotherapy for 3months and will undergo radiation for 5consecutive days (i think)
i honestly dunno if i wanted to post this since it'll reveal lots of personal/family matter. but i'll just risk it since i dunno what other way i could do just to let go of the things clogging my mind.
and i feel guilty that i might not fulfill my own promises of visiting my aunt because of my damn hectic schedule. i couldn't even give enough time for myself to post something in my lair, how much more for traveling? damn, why does one day only have 24hours?? school, work, another work, home by midnight?? hahahah.. i'll literally go crazy..DAMN IT!!!!!
posted by fllnngl1225 @ 10:01 AM
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Thursday, September 07, 2006
let's give a recap....
more than 2weeks without blogging..and i did survived..whew!
im in our school right now and since it's my spare, ill just make a new post..i wanna make it up to you guys..
school just started [isn't it obvious??] im trying to get used to the new environment since for the whole summer i did nothing but work. i only have one course this semester and i couldn't just go to school attending one class so i asked my counsellor if she could change my schedule and voila she did. she gave me another class - Work Experience. i told her that i just did the summer internship job and she told me, it'll be great.. i couldn't argue with her, she's my counsellor,
she knows what's best for me. or does she really??
i thought one hell was gone, i didn't know another one was coming. so what's going to be my agenda now?? another hectic schedule trying to torture my already aching body?? hmmm.. let's see..
school:ohh yea with one major class for the first semester, no biggie..just don't mention the diploma =[
work:yep..i didn't quit my UB job yet..but im done being a summer intern
visits from the hospital:hmmm.. 2weeks from now.. yea.. 2weeks and hell it'll be hard
find a job:hahah.. i have to.. remember?? i have work experience course..
so in short..ill have 2job and i have to go school and you know the rest..where will i put my hanging-in-mid-air social life??? i guess ill just have to bury it under the ground and forget all about it. =/ damn, no way!!! ='[
ohh meng..hope ill survive this semester..*sigh*
-fllnngl
posted by fllnngl1225 @ 6:29 PM
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Monday, September 04, 2006
words are not enough...
it was just a few days ago as i could still remember...
we were walking quietly down the road...
it's been such a long time since we saw each other again...
i am going to die, i calmly said
we all are, she replied
i stopped to heave a sigh and gaze out of nowhere
yea, i know that. but the difference is i'll be the first one waiting for you guys with open armsi can see how hard it is for her to force herself from crying. but none of it matters to me anymore. so i simply give her a smile and none of us utter another word...
posted by fllnngl1225 @ 8:41 PM
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